Love.

When I use to think about how I wanted a relationship to take place, I always wanted to be friends first. Many people told me that wasn't always going to happen. So, when I liked someone, I allowed myself to enter a relationship with them. They ALWAYS turned out to be the opposite of what they wanted the world to think of them. And that's generally the reason we broke up. Last June, I entered a relationship with Patrick. A guy that I have been friends with since 07. Everything I have know about him, has been everything I've got. There is never a day that he does something that tells me he is a different guy than the one I've known for the past 3 and a half years. All my relationships I've had before have never gone past 3 months. I've been with Patrick since June 4th. We then got engaged August 20th. Some say that's fast. I say, it's not. I've had some sort of relationship with this man for over the past 3 years. And now this is the longest relationship I've had ever in my life. 8 months going strong. And the best part is this will lead to a lifetime! I've recently heard some really bad things of an ex of mine. And it shows me that he is EVEN more not the person I thought he was. And while I was totally surprised by the things I heard, It didn't make me angry. It actually made me feel sorry for him because not only is he lying to the women around him, but he's lying to himself. But when I sat and thought about it, I realized how blessed I am. Blessed that though he messed up royally, it wasn't with me. Blessed that I'm marrying someone who has been my best friend for a long time. Blessed that what I always wanted, God's giving me. Blessed that though I fight with Patrick, and I'm mean to him, I know he will NEVER leave me, because there is no doubt in my mind that he would leave me. I love that. But more than that, I love him.

Sad days.

When I first came to college, I had a few friends. But ultimately it was me going out and being on my own. Started something new that my family had never been through before me. A year past by. I was doing good. My sister then came to the same school as me after not being in school for some time. It was great having someone there for me when my friends were.... suckish. I graduate in about 8 months and then I will get married. My sister has now decided to leave school. Which is okay, because it's what she needs to do. But my good friends have all left school too. My finance is in another state for work, and I'm stuck here with no good friends or family for my last 8 months. Some say, why not go make some new friends. All I have to say, is it's hard getting out there, making new friends, after all your others ones screwed you over. It's also hard because I'll be leaving in 8 months. Those friendships most likely won't last. Everything I came to love at this place has all changed. I guess it will make it easier to leave in the end. But it's hard to stay motivated till the end. My sister is leaving. Now I have to do my wedding stuff alone. I have friends, but not friends that will give me an opinion like her. She knows what I like, what I don't, and what is just plain ugly. This will be hard. But maybe it's just what I need. I will be getting married and going to a state that all I will have is my husband at first. We will have to go out and makes friends and get active. My mother will be far away, as will his family. So maybe God is preparing me for what is to come. And I just need to get done what I need to get done, so I can finish school strong and be the girl I need to be with a (real) smile on my face. Knowing, I'm not perfect, I mess up, but I have a loving God watching over me!

Picky, Picky!

I really need to do my homework. But I'm disturbed. By Christians who decide that only parts of the bible are worth believing. I very much dislike it when Christians pick and choose what is acceptable and what isn't in the bible. Since when are we the judges of the Bible. How can a person call themself a Christian and NOT believe EVERYTHING in the bible? You are a Christian because of WHAT the BIBLE says. No ONE gave you authority. If someone calls them self a Christian and they don't believe everything about the bible, how can they allow themself to be directed by God? THEY CAN'T. The Bible is instruction on how to be the Christians we are suppose to be. The bible teaches us to pray to God and to worship God. So if you don't believe in everything the Bible says, Why do you do those things? This concept makes no sense to me. AT ALL! How can you be so ignorant? Is it even ignorance or a choice to do what YOU want. Obviously not what God wants. This makes my heart sad for those people. And it makes me angry as a Christian that there are people out there giving a bad name to what it means to be a Christian. But that is something we have delt with for years. All I can do is what God tells me to do and part of that comes from the Bible, that I believe is 100% truth. I need to pray for these people, and that I can't act according to what God wants in the situation. So difficult.

Patrick

How did you do it? How did you find your way directly to my heart? I'm a caring person. I always care for family, friends, boyfriends, but you stand out among all the other guys I've ever dated. You. You are in my heart. I love you more than any person I know. I would give you anything. I would give up anything for you. You were my best friend. Still are. But I never thought that 3 years later you would be the one at my side. It makes me happy. I thank God for everyday I'm loved by you. It's something I've wanted for a long time. God's plan just threw me for a loop. :) It's fantatic and.... And I love you!

In Love!

The way he loves me, makes me the woman I'm suppose to be. I'm going to marry this man. I know it! God has shown me so much. I'm so thankful for Patrick. I met him in 07 and we became best friends. Things happened. Bad and Good. And now we are here. He's in CA in Tech. school for the Air Force and I'm finishing up school. But we are "together". He gets to come home for a visit in August. I can't wait to hug him. Kiss him. Just be next to him! I'm already looking at wedding stuff. I hope we can get married in march. That would be ideal. I love him so much. This is the man God intended for me. It all makes so much sense now. He's a christian, family man, loving, trusting, funny, and best of all, he started out as my best friend. That's what I've ALWAYS wanted. God has answered this prayer! Thank you, God!

Respect

So I'm watching this movie on t.v. right now and this girl is very hateful to her mother. It reminds me of some people I knew in High School. It kind of breaks my heart because kids don't really think the words they say will effect their parents. I know a lot of times in life people don't think about how their words effect those around them but sometimes kids expect words to bounce right off their parents. I use to think my mom was superwoman. And now I know that yes, she is a great mom, but she has feeling too, and yes I can hurt them. It's so disrespectful to tell parents you hate them. I know sometimes I get upset with my mom and I yell back at her. Which she finds disrespectful. I don't really think it is because when you get upset, your tone gets louder. But I don't call her names or ever tell her I hate her! I love my mom, even when I'm upset with her. She is an amazing woman, and one day I hope to be a great mom like she is. I hope I never hear my kids say they hate me or hear them call me names. I know that if I raise my kids half as well as my mom raised me and my siblings, they will be great!

Life!

Well Wow! Things have been all sorts of crazy.

I've gone from hearing great things from someone, to hearing very hateful things from another.

I got told that at times I am the most cruel, cold-hearted, unforgiving person someone has ever met. I don't think I've EVER heard those things till now. EVEN when I do screw things up and I'm being the person I'm not suppose to be. And yet, this is supposidly out of love and coming from a true friend. Most people know that statement isn't true. People who arn't even good friends with me. So for a "true" friend to think these things about me, is a bit crazy in my eyes. My CLOSEST friends don't think that. But supposidly more than one person has said that about me, just not to my face. OH and apparently I hold grudges, insult people, am a drama queen, and play people.

If you know me, You know I get hurt easily by people, but I forgive them so quickly. The one person that is hard for me to forgive, is myself. Everyone has dramatic moments but drama queen is not a part of my character. Everyone has those days where they say the wrong thing, I know I do! But insulting people is not something I make a practice of. And I don't play people. I don't twist things around to make them worse. I try to untwist them to figure out what the crap is going on. I am one of the most caring people around. Often I care WAY to much and it gets me hurt in the end. I love my friends, even when they are the people they shouldn't be. I won't watch them destroy themselves, I will point things out to them. I guess this person thought they were doing that for me, but those things ARE NOT true of my character. They say they told me those things out of love, well I didn't see love in that. If you cared about me, you wouldn't put me down in what you say. You would try to help me, not say "you this and you that". But guess what, I'm not mad at this person anymore. As a matter of fact, I forgave them the same day. I'm still upset by the things that got said, but I'm not mad at them! They need prayer. So do I!

But on a happy note! :) I'm in love. And I'm going to get married... in the near future!